a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
