quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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