I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize