We named our party play list daddy issues
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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