i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All the doctor said was why
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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