I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
