dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
