white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
