If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
