she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
