she woke up with a sticky ear
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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