My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
are you so shy because you have an std?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
