That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
