I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
