We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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