she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
