Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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