I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
