This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
