apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize