i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
