He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
