I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
