She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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