thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
