he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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