Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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