You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
