When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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