After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
