Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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