I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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