why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
