Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
