biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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