Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
