is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
