She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
