she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
