We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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