Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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