If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize