Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
