glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
