It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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