I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
