guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
