i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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