he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
