Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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