She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
