Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
