so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
