Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
