ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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