you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
