Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
