So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
