Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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