if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
