My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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