I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
