HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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