Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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