I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
