i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
