OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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