U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
