She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize