I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize