Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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