he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
