he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
