she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
