she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize