Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Found your dick twin last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
