Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize