I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
