Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
