thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
