Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
