Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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